She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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