The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
