He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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