I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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