It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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