Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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