Are we in a gay sports bar?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize