Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am naked and annoyed.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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