I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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