are you still at the devil's house?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
