Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
