My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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