She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
