Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My first STD was from a foam party
are you so shy because you have an std?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
