i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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