i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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