Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
