allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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