did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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