Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
