party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
