If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
