I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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