he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
