you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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