I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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