Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize