dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
