I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
