who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
