I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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