no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
