john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
