Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How does one acquire holy water?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
