mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am one with the molecules
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
