So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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