wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
