We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
