All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
