dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
