Where is the hickey?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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