My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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