I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
