Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This is my gift to your gina
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
