don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
