but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
