So drunk its hurt
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pants are for mortals
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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