JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
