So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
