i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
