I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
