So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
