I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
