Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
