Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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