RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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