i just google imaged poop.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
