one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
