These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
