Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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