FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
