I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
