So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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