My hand turned me down
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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