Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
